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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.