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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.