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I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Good for you, people that do things.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.