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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`