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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!