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A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.