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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
I want to sleep tighter
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.