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So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.