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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.