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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!