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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
2 words, 1 finger.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.