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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.