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Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
pudding... thats always a funny word
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.