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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
Does the Food Network deliver?
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.