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A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up