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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I’ll be like, “oh no, that can’t be right.”
Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.