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Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
Are walruses just vampire manatees?