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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!