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It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
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When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”