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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.