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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
Siri, where are my pants?
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
life is too short to match socks
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.