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Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.