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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park