Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.