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Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them