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I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.