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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone