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I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?