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Have you hugged you bartender today.
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?