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Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Question everything...Or should you?