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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.