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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
insert coin to view my status
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...