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My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?