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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?