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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!