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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-