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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.