Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you figure me out I want an explanation.
Pizza is my favorite winter activity
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.