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My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.