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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.