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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol