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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about