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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late