Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Iām pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - Iād worship him too.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
My therapist just offered me my money back.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.