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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.