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As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
I am used but in good condition.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what