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I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.