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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.