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So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”