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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
My house has really let itself go.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”