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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it