Daily Silly Status

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.

7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse

I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.

If I don’t talk to myself, who will?

Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad

Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?

Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.

I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.

I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!

She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever

Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven

My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"

Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes