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For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.