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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar