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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.