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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.